we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
