Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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