No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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