mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
