the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
