fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
