What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
being pregnant is like rehab
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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