So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
