You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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