I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
