When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
