you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There r osticjed everywhere
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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