I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
