I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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