She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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