So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
