Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
