chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
