Your dad touched me again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
