i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
where am i from again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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