I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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