I want to walk on stilts...naked
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
