Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
