You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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