Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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