he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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