Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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