so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
