you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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