i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
