i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
