I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize