I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
