I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
