Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize