Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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