I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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