i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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