Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
