Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

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(913): View more from Kansas

We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.

Fav 22 4683 1285
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(270): View more from Kentucky

New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.

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(813): View more from Florida

Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well

Fav 14 763 585
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(330): View more from Ohio

There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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(614): View more from Ohio

This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..

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(802): View more from Vermont

I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT

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(516): View more from New York

Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago

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