drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
