he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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