she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
