I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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