i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
