life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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