why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
