me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
