So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
try to milk me bitch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
