Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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