he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
