the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
