craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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