i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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