I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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