if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
