also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
