you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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