I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
