I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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