Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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