They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
