sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i have two assholes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
