P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
