My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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