I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
