fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
