You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
