my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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