remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
