i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
