I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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