New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
